he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
