put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
