I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
