Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
