i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
