you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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