Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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