I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
