He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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