GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
