I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
