they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
