Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
