Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
