Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
