Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
