Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
