my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
