You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
