Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
