Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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