i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't turn off my feet"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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