is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
