The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
