Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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