Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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