there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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