i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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