Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
