i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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