Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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