I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
