my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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