Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
