I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
