So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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