Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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