Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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