even my farts smell like vagina
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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