my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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