Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
