remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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