This is not my ceiling
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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