I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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