Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
