I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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