I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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