Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
