I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
