Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
