i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
