it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize