It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
