I can text with my tongue
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
