At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
