That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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