dude i'm inner monologue high
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
