Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
