You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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