if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
