one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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